Christopher and I made up a new game last night. After being unnecessarily inundated by ads for a crossover Law and Order “two-hour event,” we started thinking of Law and Order spinoffs that might actually be interesting, such as “Law and Order: Trial by Special Criminals.” But we settled on “Law and Order: Trial by Jerry.” In this scenario, the jury is comprised of 12 people all named Jerry. Our jury selection resulted in this group of anyone’s peers: Jerry Orbach, Tom and Jerry’s Jerry, Jerry Seinfeld, Jerry Bruckheimer, Gerald Ford, Geraldine Ferraro, Jerry Lee Lewis, Jerry Falwell, Jerry Garcia, Jerry Springer, Geri Halliwell, and Jerry Maguire with a geriatric and something jerry-rigged as alternates.

The game then became picking a name and trying to compose a so-named jury as quickly as possible. For instance, Law and Order: Trial by George included George Foreman (obvious choice for jury foreman), George Stephanopoulos, both George Bushes, Curious George, crazy King George, George Washington Carver, George Washington, George Clooney, Nancy Drew’s George, Boy George, and George Michael, with George Michael from Arrested Development and George Clinton as alternates. We had Trial by Betty with Betty White, Betty Boop, Bette Davis, Betty Crocker, and my grandma Betty. Pat Benatar, Pat Sajak, Patrick Swayze, Patrick Stewart, Patricia Arquette and Patty Duke were all grouped in solemn conference, while my cat Fran had to endure Fran Drescher.

Trial by Richard was one of my favorites, overflowing with Little Richard, Richard Marx, Dick Van Dyke, Ricardo Montalban, Richard Simmons, Rick James, Dick Butkus, Richie Rich, Richard Nixon, Richard Wagner, Dick Clark, Richie Cunningham, Lionel Richie, Richard the Lionheart, Rick Springfield, Ricky Schroder, Dick Cheney, Ranger Rick, Richard Avedon, Rick Astley, Richard Schechner, Richard Wright, Dick Shuck and Dick Hay (last two are Indiana locals). This one could go two episodes, or be a “two-hour event.”

Christopher then realized that a workable refinement for this game in party situations would be to set it up similar to Scattergories, and have teams list twelve jurors (one point each) and two alternates (one-half point each) and then compare lists, i.e., jury selection. Names that appeared on more than one team’s list would be excused from the jury (no points).

I became so addicted to selecting juries in my mind that I could not fall asleep. I began picking names that would pose difficulties for finding large groups. “Agnes my cat, Agnes of God, Agnes Urban - my fourth grade Hungarian friend…” Then I went beyond people names to try to put myself to sleep: Trial by Mesopotamia. There. Now I am done. Oh, no. “Mia Hamm, Mia Farrow. Do those count for Mesopotamia?”