Dear Inexpert Instructor,

Since receiving your email, I have scoured my cassette collection in search of songs to instruct your students as well as inspire them as citizens of the U.S. of A. I have created an iMix of tracks that I feel teaches vocabulary, annunciation, spelling, colloquialisms, customs, capitalism, government, patriotism, immigration, history, occupations, the draft, due process, and hamburgers. After internalizing these tunes and their lyrical content, your students should be confident navigating modern American society. They will be able to carry on conversations about the appropriateness of bolstering the national economy by shopping at the mall. They will not only be able to spell Washington, D.C., but speak of the beauty of the National Mall in the Autumn. And most importantly, they will come to revere The Neil Diamond.

See my iMix on the iTunes Music Store »

1) Combat Rock by Sleater-Kinney
We begin this mix with a song from our friends from the Northwest. Carrie Brownstein’s stacotto annunciation should allow your class to sing along and catch each individual syllabal. She sings of the economy, she sings of hot pants, she sings of Uncle Sam. I just want to place my hand over my heart… if I only had hands.

Show you love your country go out and spend some cash
Red white blue hot pants doing it for Uncle Sam
Flex our muscles show them we’re stronger than the rest
Raise your hands up baby are you sure that we’re the best?

Full lyrics »

2) I’m So Bored With the U.S.A. by the Clash
Since Sleater-Kinney borrowed the name Combat Rock from The Clash, we’ll move on to the Clash next. There is no need for you to inform your students of the US’s international policy. Let Joe Strummer do it for you.

Yankee dollar talk
To the dictators of the world
In fact it’s giving orders
An’ they can’t afford to miss a word

Full lyrics »

3) Political Science by Randy Newman
Randy puts forth an intriguing idea. Maybe America should go toe-to-toe with South America — winner gets to keep “America.”

Asiaâ??s crowded and europeâ??s too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canadaâ??s too cold
And South America stole our name
Letâ??s drop the big one
Thereâ??ll be no one left to blame us

Full lyrics »

4) This Means You by Talib Kweli
Here we learn a bit about regional dialects and accents. Later in the song, there is a long list of U.S. cities where immigrant populations live and work. I recommend the Clean version of this track.

My speech seasoned, with dialect of my region
Booga-nam Brooklyn Bed-Stuy Eastern
Where youth and policemen, they nah reach agreement
Pressure in the mornin, pressure in the evenin’.

Full lyrics »

5) New Kicks by Le Tigre
Protesting is patriotic.

We must stand here, token, abound and unchained.
We need healthcare!
We need education!
We need freedom in this nation!

Full lyrics »

Download track for free (Thanks, ladies)

6) America Is Not the World by Morrissey
What could be more American than the hamburger? And your students will never get by on America’s freeways without knowing how to tell people where to shove things.

It brought you the hamburger
Well, America, you know where
You can shove your hamburger

Full lyrics »

7) I’m Afraid of Americans by David Bowie
Aren’t we all, Dave? Aren’t we all?

I’m afraid of Americans
I’m afraid of the world
I’m afraid I can’t help it
I’m afraid I can’t
I’m afraid of Americans

Full lyrics »

* The third verse may be inappropriate for classroom use.

8) Of Up and Coming Monarchs by Pedro the Lion
As new citizens of America (especially if they don’t have much money) your class members may find themselves in danger of the draft at some point. This song will let them know about our neighbor to the North who will welcome them with open arms and national health coverage.

There once was a time
One could flee to the north
But Canada’s not what she used to be
Boycott the war
Well she could not afford to
Thanks to the new American queen.

Full lyrics »

9) 16 Military Wives by Decemberists
Aside from the alphabet, it is essential to teach numbers to ESL students. Colin Meloy will cover the numbers 16, 32, 17, 12, 10, 15, 18, 7, and 14.

Cause America can
And America can’t say no
And America does if
America says it’s so

Full lyrics »

10) Bag Lady by Erykah Badu
America has poor people. They need to practice proper lifting techniques. Bend at the knees.

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

Full lyrics »

11) Washington, D.C. by The Magnetic Fields
Spelling and the nation’s capital!

W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby, D.C.!
W a-s-h i-n-g t-o-n, baby, D.C.!
Washington, D.C.
It’s paradise to me
It’s not because it is the grand old seat
Of precious freedom and democracy
No, no, no
It’s not the greenery turning gold in fall
The scenery circling the Mall
It’s just that’s where my baby lives
That’s all.

Full lyrics »

12) Smallpox Champion by Fugazi
I find it only fitting to move from The Magnetic Fields’ little ditty to a band from Washington, D.C.: Fugazi. This song talks about some of the issues I addressed in my answer to a distressed decorator seeking advice on Thanksgiving Centerpieces: eliminating a native people and snatching up real estate.

Smallpox champion U S of A
Give natives some blankets
Warm like the grave
This is the pattern cut from the cloth
This is the pattern designed to take you right out

Full lyrics »

13) Loyal to My Sorrowful Country by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
The current president is President George W. Bush. This song will teach your students the best way to speak of him.

In the days when we were young,
We were free, we were free…
Now that Georgie’s reign’s begun,
We won’t be, we can’t be…

And no more shall I be, loyal to my sorrowful country
No more shall I be, loyal to my sorrowful country.

Full lyrics »

Download track for free (Thanks Ted)

14) Who Killed John Columbo? by Wesley Willis
America’s legal system may seem confusing at first, especially with all the redundant paperwork, relativistic arguments, and jargon. Hopefully this song will help your students with some of the more common terms used in the courtroom. I also recommend 2 x 4 by Mr. Willis for individuals who seek to enter the construction industry.

Dale Wilson went to court.
He was arraigned.
He went on trial.
The evidence stated that Dale Wilson shot John Columbo in the head four times with a .38 while he was driving his taxi cab.

Who killed John Columbo? 4x

Full lyrics »

15) Subdivision by Ani Difranco
In order to truly survive in America, it is necessary to understand the nature of suburbs and planned communities.

White people are so scared of black people. They bulldoze out to the country, and put up houses on little loop-d-loop streets. And while America gets its heart cut right out of its chest, the Berlin Wall still runs down Main Street separating east side from west.

Full lyrics »

Regretfully, this Ani Difranco song is not available on the iTunes Music Store.

16) America by The Neil Diamond
We don’t mess with The Neil.

Free
Only want to be free
We huddle close
Hang on to a dream

On the boats and on the planes
Theyâ??re coming to America
Never looking back again
Theyâ??re coming to America

Full lyrics »

The Neil Diamond’s America is also not available on the iTunes Music Store. Fascists!
Update (01/24/06): The Neil Diamond catalog was just added to the iTunes Music Store. I take it back Apple. You are true patriots.

I hope this is a help to you and your students as you take your journey together through this world of English and precariously reasoned patriotism.

God Bless the Independent Commonwealth of Newbraska,
Señor Pooglins
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Have a question or a problem? Let or the calm your tempest-tossed mind.